|
Post by joccy on Aug 15, 2009 0:23:17 GMT -5
After countless days I know what I'm going to do. This person whose writing me those letters is watching me, I know that. They know I write in a diary but I've taken precautions to make sure it isn't found but if I wrote a fake one with things that they would think I didn't love Kakios then perhaps they'd leave. I just need to write Kakios a letter that they won't find so they won't know. I could slip into the night and place this diary for Kakios to find it so that he knows the truth.
And I suspect I might be carrying another child.
|
|
|
Post by joccy on Aug 15, 2009 0:43:20 GMT -5
Everything is set. It kills me to do this because I know that Kakios will suffer for a few moments. I'm leaving my diary in a place where he'll find it. The other diary, the fake one is also in a place where it can be found and read. I suspect they'll leave Kakios and me alone once they think everything between me and him is over forever. My fake diary goes something along these lines,
I'm leaving him tonight. I must. I'm so frightened but I know I must leave. What would he do if he found out about the child I'm carrying? Would he kill us both or would he turn it into some sort of monster?
I loved him, at one time. At a time that I was so naive and couldn't see the truth. Maybe he really does care about me but I don't know anymore. I'm so confused I don't think I'd be able to see the truth of things if it was right in front of me. He doesn't care for lives but his own. So many have died and so many will die. I don't think I can keep my sanity if I stay with him, let alone my own life.
|
|
|
Post by joccy on Aug 15, 2009 0:46:41 GMT -5
I'm leaving my diary in the garden we always spent so much time in. He'll easily find it in there. I want to write a letter explaining things so that he won't have to suffer at all but then I risk someone else finding it and everythin being ruined. I haven't even told Kakios about the child I'm carrying about but once he finds and reads my diary he'll know everything.
|
|
|
Post by joccy on Aug 15, 2009 0:49:27 GMT -5
Dear Kakios, I'm suspecting you've read my entire diary now I know what's going on. I'm so sorry for having to leave but please understand it was the only way. Now we'll both be left alone and we won't have to worry about the child that I'm carrying now. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you in person. I love you so much Kakios and I can't wait to see you soon. Do you remember that small little cottage in Ciel with the beautiful view? I'll be waiting there. Please make sure no one see's you or suspects. And please please make sure you don't get hurt. If you think it's to dangerous to come then wait, I'll wait there for you to come. And don't come rushing to meet me without thinking either. I'll be fine, no one suspects anything. I promise if I suffer any type of injury I'll find help with a midwife or someone else. I know an elf, Dysis and she'll help me. See you soon my love, Izzabella. p.s. Again don't do anything that risk your life, please Kakios. I couldn't possibly live without you so please please be careful.
|
|
|
Post by joccy on Aug 15, 2009 1:05:50 GMT -5
Not an entry.
And she waited in the little cottage day after day. The days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months and still no Kakios. She remembered and encounter with the old fortune teller in Ciel. She grabbed Izzabella's elbow and spoken in a low voice, "He's not coming," She told her and then walked away. The words kept replaying in her mind over and over again. She could feel the despair begin to settle inside of her. Why was he taking so long? Why hadn't he came to Ciel? The thoughts kept revolving around her head. She knew he wasn't coming, she knew it. As much as she tried to tell herself otherwise she knew he wasn't coming. Maybe he hated her for leaving. She deserved it. It was her fault their son was dead. If only she'd spent more time with their son and hadn't left him alone that day he'd be alive. He couldn't forgive her, that must be the reason why. Tears spilled down and onto her cheeks as she felt the sadness overwhelming her. He didn't love her anymore that's why he wasn't coming. He had probably found someone else. Prettier, smarter, stronger. The tears kept coming and coming until that was all she could do. It hurt as much as it had when her son had died and maybe even worse. When he'd died at least she'd had Kakios to comfort her, to help her through the pain and now she had no one. All she could do was curl into a ball on the bed and cry until she simply couldn't cry anymore. Her heart was aching and she felt as if she'd never see sunshine again. Her heart was shattered and it could never be fixed. She had to live for this child but the pain Kakios had caused was hurting to much. Her only reason left to live was this child but would she be strong enough?
|
|
|
Post by J on Aug 15, 2009 12:31:12 GMT -5
When she slept she could almost feel his fingertips across her skin. She could almost feel his sweet kisses upon her lips. His gentle and beautiful voice in her ear whispering the most beautiful things to her. She would take her hands and cup them around her face and pull him close and then she'd wake up and realize it was all a dream. Kakios wasn't coming to meet her and she was all alone left with nothing except a child who would only remind her of her loss every single day.
|
|